mixed aNd messed Up!

Dear YOU,

Surprised? oh yeah, I am talking to YOU. I know we haven’t been in speaking terms lately… Lately as in for the last 10 years. You must know though, that I feel Your existence. Before I start saying so many things let me remind you that You have made me a really lousy conversationalist, and inconsistent in so many ways. So, when I tell you something, more likely, it will not be related to what I have previously stated. Bear with me, ok? It took me 2 cups of cofee (one hot and one iced), a cup of soda, and 2 glasses of that Kool-Aid strawberry juice to say and write all of this. 

Going back to me acknowledging Your existence. Well, I know You’ve been with me for the all the years of my existence, plus the 9 months I spent in my mother’s uterus. Oh, and do You remember that time when I was about to jump off that bridge? I know You told my grandfather something because when I was about to do it, he was there and pulled me away from that bridge. If I had known then what I know now, I wouldn’t really have done that. Thanks for reminding me everyday how beautiful life is. I also know that you have been with my brother all those years he spent in Afghanistan. You are a good God. I cannot remember asking your help but you have always volunteered. Thank you.

Now, the reason why I am talking to you now is because I want to thank you for giving me things I have to be busy with. The job, and the stints you have been throwing me every now and then. You see it in my heart how thankful I am, right? I really thank you because being busy will not give me time to think about and deal with my emotions. I have been very tired trying to understand how I feel towards people, things, and circumstances. Alright, alright, people mainly. I’m just not good at this, You know? Showing them how I really feel, keeping relationships and all the sorts. I think my friend was right. I’m a nut case. I do not understand how I can love people and hate them at the same time. aargh!

Anyways, thanks again. I hope You don’t get tired of listening to my nonsense… like people. You are what YOU ARE, yeah. I’m sorry if my last statement sounded like I am underestimating your capacity to understand me.

Goodnight, You.